Melissa Keir-Small Town Romance Author
  • Welcome
  • Blog
  • Melissa's Books
  • Missy's Children's Books
  • Contact me
  • Privacy Notice
  • Welcome
  • Blog
  • Melissa's Books
  • Missy's Children's Books
  • Contact me
  • Privacy Notice
Search

Melissa's Musings

Don't Let Anxiety Win....

5/5/2018

 
Picture
Wil Wheaton posted his speech from the NAMI Ohio conference titled “My Name is Wil Wheaton. I live with Chronic Depression and I am not ashamed.” (http://wilwheaton.net/2018/05/my-name-is-wil-wheaton-i-live-with-chronic-depression-and-i-am-not-ashamed/)

His words hit home with me, especially the pieces about the anxiety. I have anxiety, as well as depression. For me, the anxiety manifests itself in fears and OCD behaviors. I would have to touch certain things in order to protect myself because of fears that something bad would happen. I’d grown up planning how to survive if I lost my eyesight, use of my hands or any other number of strange unknowns. I didn’t realize I was different as a child. It was simply the way I handled my fears.
​
I shared a room with my sister (the other ones shared another room) and often at night we would come together in one room and tell stories. When we couldn’t sleep, we would crawl into bed with each other and talk until we fell asleep. Again, I believed this was normal.

Picture
 As I got older, the “what if” fears became quiet as the “negative loop” became louder. My anxiety would tell me how I was ugly, unwanted, not good enough, and many other things. I believed it and built a wall around my feelings. After all, if I was ugly, I was going to be as snarky as possible putting the “truth” out there before someone could say it to me. I’d fully admit to people I was ugly and that their friendships didn’t matter, but it was only a coping mechanism. A way of pushing people away before they left me.

The depression would tag team with the anxiety. The “negative loop” fed my feelings of worthlessness and told me no one would care if I was gone. With my emotions locked down inside me, I found dangerous behaviors in order to feel alive. By the grace of God, I didn’t do anything permanent to myself.

As I aged, anxiety became more vicious, telling me things about my loved ones—how I wasn’t important, I wasn’t good enough for them, and in turn I fed the anxiety by asking over and over, needing reassurances in order to get through the day. It was challenging living with me. In fact, my husband at the time, used to call it JWS-Jealous Wife Syndrome which made my anxiety worse.

Picture
Finally, I sought help and am on medication. But it’s a daily challenge, much like the one alcoholics deal with. My “what if” fears are back in full force. When I can’t answer a call, I worry it’s someone calling with important news. If I can’t reach my husband, I worry he’s hurt at home alone. The cabinets and drawers in the kitchen must be closed and I have certain ways of doing things. New situations like subbing in a new school, adds to the anxiety and don’t get me started on peopling… like parties or meeting friends. Each day, I have to remind myself that the voice of my anxiety doesn’t rule me. His words aren’t real.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing all this personal things with you…I want to assure you, you aren’t alone. If you have anxiety or depression, there are others out there dealing with similar issues. While each person’s symptoms are different, it does help to know people continue to push forward through the muck every day, which I consider a win!
​
I have anxiety and depression and I’m not ashamed. I share my experiences with others and have even found out my sister has dealt with the “what if” fears. I make sure to give my son as much support as he faces similar issues. I'm also very lucky that my husband deals with similar OCD and depression. He gets me. And of course, puts up with my zaniness. Sometimes sharing the fears, makes them lessen. 

Picture
And in case you haven't heard it today…You are beautiful, you are special, you are important, you are smart and you are loved.

PS. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here. <3

Alice
5/7/2018 11:23:58 am

Thanks for sharing that. As bad as it sounds, I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one who realized I had a problem with anxiety making me stressed and angry with family and friends. I feel so much better since I admitted it and got on medication too. I wish I'd done it years ago instead of waiting. Sometimes things still seem bad, but I'm better prepared and understand why now.

Melissa Keir
5/7/2018 01:24:20 pm

My anxiety goes in cycles and I know before my period, I'm more likely to be worse. Keeping track of food choices as well as sleep patterns helps as well. I'm finding that my anxiety has grown as I've gotten older. It's interesting to see. I wish you all the best on your journey. It's certainly one you don't walk alone!


Comments are closed.

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Melissa Keir

    Gator Girl Extraordinaire

    RSS Feed



    Archives

    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011

Proudly powered by Romance
Melissa Keir-Author

Photos from emilyonasunday, imagesbyk2 Photography, Beverly & Pack, thisreidwrites, jDevaun, Ken Wilcox., jan_krutisch, wiesiek_kr, ginnerobot, Tim RT, erasergirl, wheatfieldbrown, fivehanks, Ⅿeagan, theilr, symphony of love, Abhishek Singh Bailoo, Max Braun, Daniel Leininger, EliJerma, sean_reay, DafneCholet, Pablo Tocagni, kevin dooley, CarbonNYC, Loren Javier, marco monetti, shannonkringen, Peter Werkman (www.peterwerkman.nl), tekkbabe, Aditya Rakhman, MilitaryHealth, almarWho, raganmd, snowkei, wuestenigel, Amal Hathaway, augustineisnotmyname, shixart1985 (CC BY 2.0), digitizedchaos, photologue_np, -stamina-, Jessica_Branstetter, I woz ere, Erháld, Tostie14, kdinuraj, feline_dacat, RobBixbyPhotography, glaciernps, aussiegall, Pink Sherbet Photography, Poul-Werner, Loren Javier, Diamond Farah, AForestFrolic, williamcho, shannonkringen, gagilas, ben.fitzgerald, Tony Fischer Photography, rufusowliebat, emilianohorcada, George Deputee, LadyDragonflyCC - >;< - Spring in Michigan!, brick red, citymaus, Emery Co Photo, midiman, Thragor, jdegrazia, dane brian, sibikos, nan palmero, r.nial.bradshaw, US Army Africa, bambe1964, lisaclarke, piermario, SurFeRGiRL30, ninachildish, shixart1985
  • Welcome
  • Blog
  • Melissa's Books
  • Missy's Children's Books
  • Contact me
  • Privacy Notice