Melissa Keir-Small Town Romance Author
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.@melissa_keir: Frankenstein's Not Worth Your Time @moviereview

11/29/2015

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​This retelling of the classic story from Igor’s point of view provides a unique look but disappoints all around. I’m giving it a D. Save your money and catch it on cable.

​A disfigured but brilliant hunchback who works at the circus is befriended by Victor Frankenstein. Once Victor treats the creature, he becomes an upstanding partner in his demented plan to recreate life from death. It’s hard not to see that Igor feels a need to repay Victor for his help.
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​With two well-known and good-looking actors like Daniel Radcliff and James McAvoy, you would think this movie would shine, yet the only part that grips you is the final fight scene with Frankenstein’s monster. And while the director shows us more about the emotions behind the characters, we still don’t see a stellar storyline.
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​Victor is trying to pay back the life he took when his older brother died while playing out in the snow with him as a child. Igor has never known kindness but falls in love with a former circus performer and helps his friend, Victor with his projects. Surprisingly, this never before educated hunchback is able to read and write, while never attending school and after facing abuse all his life at the hands of the circus performers.

I had big problems with some of the storyline. Not only was Igor able to read and write without education, but once his abscess is drained and a brace put on his body, he is able to walk somewhat upright. Put him in a suit and he walks miraculously well. In addition, this poor man can use a straight razor without any previous use. It’s like magic how things just don’t add up.
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If you have a must to see this movie, go ahead and spend your hard-earned money. But I’m sure you can enjoy a few drinks instead. 
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.@melissa_keir: The Night Before Raunchy not Witty #moviereview

11/22/2015

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‘Twas the weekend before Thanksgiving and no great movies are out…That’s not how The Night Before begins, but it should. I give the movie a B-.
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Three friends go out each Christmas Eve to celebrate as a family when Ethan’s parents died right before Christmas. Only this year will be their last big hurrah as Issac is becoming a father and Chris is now a famous football star. This bromance will remind you of many of Seth Rogan’s other movies, however Joseph Gordon-Levitt shines.

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​The Night Before isn’t a holiday classic but does have a positive message and keeps movie-goers laughing out loud. Filled with raunchy comedy, from swear words to hot dog pics, vomiting in Midnight Mass to major drug use…this movie is not for the faint of heart, or for young eyes. Although the cameos of famous people who show up in this movie will have you shocked. 
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The movie nods to all the traditional holiday movies from Home Alone to Miracle on 34th Street. Careful eyes will catch these moments and enjoy how the writer and director wove in so many favorites.
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It’s the difference between pre-pubescent humor and wit that had me not in love with this movie. The gags seemed raunchy for raunchy’s sake. It didn’t have the classic humor of movies like Christmas Vacation. 
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​If you are looking for an escape from Thanksgiving dinner and want some laughs, catch The Night Before. At least, you will work off some calories laughing.
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.@melissa_keir: Like the Coopers... not Love them. #moviereview

11/15/2015

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​This holiday tale is sure to pull at your heart, but this movie was better suited for the Hallmark Channel than the box office. I’m giving it a C+.
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​Love the Coopers is a tale of a dysfunctional family who come together to celebrate Christmas. There’s the grandfather who is half in love with a waitress half his age. The two sisters who still hold grudges about which one was better. The old married couple who are on the verge of a divorce because they forgot what love was. The youngest daughter who’s been hiding her heart from life and brings home a complete stranger in order to save face with her family. Basically, it plays out like a Nicolas Sparks book.

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​Throughout the movie there are laugh out loud moments from jokes about dog farts to that awkward teenage first kiss. These moments are beacons in this family’s dysfunction. Seriously, if you think you have a family with problems, spend the day with the Coopers. I don’t think any of them are capable of telling the truth, maybe Aunt Fishy but she’s senile.
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With the sheer star-power of the actors in this movie (Alan Arkin, John Goodman, Diane Keaton, even Steve Martin), I would have thought it would have been a record setter at the box office. However, the storyline is predicable. It plays to all the holiday crises and norms yet the story ends with a happily ever after for the whole family. So you’ll leave the theater entertained and feeling good about the holidays and your own family. Now there’s no need to spike the turkey with uppers!

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.@melissa_keir: Bond, James Bond- #moviereview

11/15/2015

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​Spectre

Dress white dinner jacket, martini and a killer car…you’ve got Bond, James Bond in the latest installment of the wildly popular movie franchise- Spectre. I give it an A-.


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Like the previous Star Wars’ movies, this group of Bond movies is a prequel to the Sean Connery years. We get to see what made Bond into the man he becomes. I love that aspect of these movies and Daniel Craig is perfect for the role. He’s brash without the cockiness or snarkiness of later Bonds. Not to mention, he fills out those designer suits wonderfully.
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In this installment, we see the formation of future villain, Blofeld as the dots are connected from the previous movies and lead into the future. The action sequences are over the top with cars that spit fire and brain altering surgery. But it’s the idea of 007 going rogue in order to protect the world that not only allows Daniel Craig to shine but also the secondary characters of Miss Moneypenny, M and Q who get in on the action this time.

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Two things that knocked it down in my book… the opening song was horrible. When there’s amazing Bond themes written by Sir Paul and Adelle, a half-hearted effort like this one breaks my heart. The second thing was the reasoning behind Blofeld’s attacks on James. It seemed too simple. Obviously, he was a sociopath to begin with…but all this for jealousy? Seems too easy of an explanation.

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Fans of the franchise will flock to this movie because it’s a Bond movie, and will love how it gives nods to the movies we grew up with…Goldfinger, The Spy who Loved Me… But if you aren’t fans of the franchise, you will enjoy the bang ‘em up, exciting movie with sexy women, fast cars and over-the-top action.
A must see if only for the amazing action and sexy Daniel Craig.

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.@melissa_keir: Zombies can be Fun! #moviereview

11/1/2015

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Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
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Looking for a movie with potty humor and swear words…The Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is the prefect silly movie…. I’m giving it a B.
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​Scouts are supposed to be prepared, know knots and how to start fires. No one expected them to be able to save their town from Zombies…and still get the girl!
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Three young men have been friends since they were kids. Scouts brought them together, but now they are looking toward girls and parties. Unfortunately, they aren’t honest with their friend and feelings get hurt.
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​Scouts reminds me of the American Pie movies, doing for scouting what that movie did for band. The movie is filled with sight gags and laugh out loud moments, as well as some very juvenile humor. Perfect for the young teen in your life (or the man who acts like one). Just be warned that the nudity is too much for the young ones…This movie is rated R… so most scouts won’t be able to see it.
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Cloris Leachman has a wonderful role as the crazy cat lady next door and even Arnold’s son, Patrick is in this movie.
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In keeping with Melissa’s apocalyptic survival skills, this movie shows that we don’t really need to hotwire cars, since every good zombie leaves the keys in it. Yet, learning how to turn a weed-wacker into a zombie weapon is a must and I’m sure it’s not in the scouting manual! 
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.@melissa_keir: Jem is Not The Cartoon #moviereviews

11/1/2015

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​Expecting it to be like your favorite cartoon, you’ll be terribly disappointed. I’m giving Jem and the Holograms a C.
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Jerrica Benton and her sister, Kimber come to live with her aunt and her aunt’s two foster daughters, Shana and Aja. Jerrica loves to play music and secretly records herself as Jem playing a song, which her sister uploads to the internet, forcing her to become an internet sensation. When Starlight Music comes around with a contract, Jerrica agrees because the family needs money to save their house. Fame causes a split among the girls when Erica Raymond asks for only Jem to be under contract without the girls.
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​I was a huge fan of the 1980’s cartoon. Jerrica Benton and her foster family became my own family and I sang along with the music, bought the dolls and dreamed of becoming a Rock Star. This Jem and the Holograms movie has nods to the original cartoon series but there’s a big difference among the two. While Hasbro was one of the producers of the movie (and the former maker of the dolls), they only used the names and rough outline of the characters rather than the actual story. Eric Raymond becomes Erica Raymond and Jerrica Benton is younger. They didn’t use any of the original songs but had their own Jem and the Holograms music.
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​While fans of the original series will be upset, this Jem and the Holograms movie has a positive message which will resonate with families, especially young girls. In fact, one lady who watched the movie said that she liked the movie because of the wholesome nature of the movie, but she didn’t have a clue about the cartoon. 
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​If you aren’t expecting the movie to be like the original, you will enjoy the movie more. Fans will come away sad even with the famous cameos of Chris Pratt and the Rock.
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    Melissa Keir

    It's all about the movies...

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