50 Shades of Boring... Movie Review
As a romance writer, I felt it was my duty to review Fifty Shades of Grey which opened this weekend at the top of the box office. I must warn you that I didn’t read the book series and give this movie only a C-.
The book and movie, 50 Shades of Grey, has polarized this country. Feminist groups, the BDSM community and critics skewer both as misleading, degrading and “more like torture” than romance (quoted by USA Today columnist). While millions of women who read the books, can quote it word for word. Honestly, I was bored about 30 minutes into it and kept wondering when it would end.
Choosing Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey was a mistake. He doesn’t have the command of a high powered successful big business man. He comes off more as a child who doesn’t understand why people don’t give into his demands. Dakota Johnson does a wonderful job as Anastasia Steele, the college-age virgin. Her character almost teases the audience with snarky comebacks and even leads you to believe, she is the only adult in the relationship.
This movie is one that people will see for the tantalizing nudity, the taboo subject and fantasy aspect of having a wealthy man buy you everything you want…A new computer? Car? Jet to Paris?? But after one viewing, they will quickly move onto the next big thing. Fifty Shades of Grey is good for a One Night Stand… not for a happily ever after.
Monsters, love gone wrong, and magic…Seventh Son is a feast for the senses. The movie features some of the best images since Lord of the Rings. I give Seventh Son a B. The dragons, shape shifters and magic will leave you wishing for your own shifting!
Thomas Ward is the seventh son of a seventh son and becomes apprenticed to the local spook (supernatural, evil hunter) when his last apprentice is killed. In fact, the spook seems to go through apprentices like candy on Valentine’s Day!
Jeff Bridges is fun as the spook. He’s a gruff, hard-drinking, tormented man, with some of the best witty comments in the movie. The audience laughed out loud at times. Ben Barnes plays the new apprentice. He’s easy on the eyes! Tom becomes embroiled in a romance with a witch who might be the one person to bring down his own death. Julianne Moore has the best role! I loved her as the big evil, Mother Malkin. I think I’ve found my new cosplay costume! I loved her bony tail!
Seventh Son is based on a book series and the movie leaves it open for future sequels. It is also a movie that will appeal to a large audience…the geeks who love fantasy creatures and kick-butt heroes and villains…the viewers who love a romance story of star-crossed love and the power of love—not only between a couple but also between parents and children. It’s got something for everyone!
Five wealthy men share a high-end loft in order to hide extra-marital romantic escapades. Only a murder happens and now their secret love nest is at risk. The blame game begins with each man as the possible killer. I give The Loft a C.
The movie features many flashbacks and surprises that keep you wondering what exactly is going on. It plays like a warning message against men who cheat on their wives. Each of the five friends’ lives falls apart when they use the loft.
The movie feels like it was written/directed by a woman who had a husband who cheated. The men come off as arrogant and depraved. Each friend has their own secret and when the secrets all come out—bam! Cheaters never win is the main message. The wives are also one-dimensional, bitter, and vindictive. But they come out ahead at the end.
Filled with sexy actors and nudity, this movie isn’t for the faint of heart. But those that love a good mystery, will enjoy the many twist and turns as we learn exactly what happened in The Loft.
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